I realized how hatred has made me into a different person and I became afraid

The people whom my parents had helped but who persecuted us became my motivation to achieve the goals I had in mind.

By Cathrina Magbanua

I am Cathrina Marie Magbanua. I am 29 years old. Many people say that my name suits me because it tells much about my personality. They are referring to a cat. A cat for them is graceful, cunning and mysterious. I see cat as an affectionate animal. However, I consider myself never like that.

I was brought up in a conservative Christian family. My parents are very religious. However, as Filipinos, it is ironic that we have not practiced close ties. I have two brothers and two sisters – none of us are closely knit together. We were raised independently from each other. Perhaps, that’s the reason why I didn’t make a lot of friends. I didn’t even allow myself to have any special relationship. I am just happy being with a few people for just sometime. I have always believed that I am a traveler – people come and go, but life has to move on.

I could say that I have become self-reliant and I am very responsible when it comes to doing my tasks. Even since I was in high school, I didn’t depend on my parents that much. When my dad lost his job abroad, I tried so hard to keep up with life. I had my own job and I joined organizations for scholarship. It was really a struggle.

I still could remember the times that we were very poor. The little money that I earned had to go to my parents for some expenses at home. There were a lot of times I blamed my parents for our situation. I hated them for being negligent.

I thought we had lost everything when we became very poor. Grudge was in my heart. I rebelled against my parents. It was very difficult for me to accept our situation. There came a time when we had to stop from attending school because my parents could not afford our education anymore.

In anger, I set my mind to do the best I could to retrieve everything we had lost. The people whom my parents had helped but who persecuted us became my motivation to achieve the goals I had in mind. I looked forward to the day when they’d all swallow what abuse they had done to my family.

As I progressed, I saw how our name and reputation was being rebuilt. Yet despite the success, I was very lonely. I then saw myself alone with a family too far away from me. I realized how hatred has made me into a different person. I became afraid.

One day, I passed by a building where I saw a billboard of Ang Dating Daan. I remembered the face of my dad. When my dad was baptized in the Members Church of God International, it was the happiest day of his life. I wanted to follow suit and experience that happiness he had.

I had three jobs then. I could barely have some time to sleep. I knew that my schedule was very hectic for me to find time for indoctrination. Despite the sleepless nights and weariness, I did strive to finish the indoctrination sessions until I was baptized on December 18, 2002. I thank God for His love and mercy.

I was reunited with my family on the thanksgiving which followed after my baptism. I learned to forgive and have compassion. These things are being taught by the preacher, Bro. Eli Soriano. Now, I may still have the same goals, yet they are directed to a different intention and purpose.

I am not motivated in anger anymore but in love. My mind is set now to achieve my goals to do the best I can for the glory of God. I would like to be useful to fulfill God’s will and purpose for mankind. With my little talents, I would like to contribute to help save souls.

This entry was posted in Experience leading to salvation, transformation, True happiness, True success and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I realized how hatred has made me into a different person and I became afraid

  1. nikkiability says:

    I also used to have materialistic goals, but through the rightful teachings of God, I have learned the true purpose of life.

  2. elmantheman says:

    If it’s hard to recognize spiritual perfection when we just look at how well our family is in physical aspect; it’s even harder to soul search and contemplate by our self, especially when we falsely tie up truth from our religious denomination.

    But, Bro, Eli, with God’s word, helps us to realize that our motivation for struggles within can be misplaced; and that we kept and asked the wrong questions that’s why they remain to be unresolved for the longest time. Bro Eli helps us to re-align our spiritual thoughts with that of the truth found in the Holy Scriptures and finally have the truthful answers, that work in us to do good with our fellow men.

    Though there would be obstacles and temptations, I likewise say, “I am not motivated in anger anymore but in love. My mind is set now to achieve my goals to do the best I can for the glory of God.”

    Thanks be to God!

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